In every relationship we must be attentive to two concerns. We must be concerned with what is to be taught or learned, and, more importantly, we must be concerned with how to go about doing this in a manner that builds up the relationship. We have no choice but to consider what is required in a relationship, but it is ultimately our joy and the fulfillment of our lives to live the gospel in each and every experience we have in the contact with those near to us.

“People are funny.”

This statement summerizes in the kindest terms the frustration and pain that is experienced in relationships. When approaching relationships there are two main concerns to which we must be equally attentive. These two concerns, allowed to be held in tension, are expressed in the gospel.

First, there are the requirements of a relationship. Second, there is the provision of a relationship.

When interacting with a brother or sister there are mutual expectations for conduct and behavior. We expect that the other person obey the “law” of consideration, patience, and most importantly, reciprocity. When we fail to fulfill these expectations conflict ensues and the relationship is tried.

In the gospel, the conflict is that humanity is under God’s judgement for its rebellion against God. Humans have failed to reciprocate who God is insofar as he has given himself to man. So also in relationships with other people, we fail to reciprocate the good and uplifting characteristics that are consideration and preference for the other and patience. In the gospel the conflict is resolved by relational provision. Since a fulfilling relationship of reciprocal love is what is desired and intended, then the only way to mend a broken relationship, or even sustain a good relationship, is the ardent desire and focused effort to be the provider of the love that is to be reciprocated–in otherwords, to bear the burden of relational trials, regardless of the source or cause of the trial.

In the gospel, God provided the life that is needed to live in reciprocal love. He transcended the conflict by filling the lack in it. The only lack there can ever be in a relationship is the lack of willingness to suffer for another worked out in the intentional act of loving the other. So God provided it. He does not seek anything from us that he has not provided; what he seeks is a reciprocity, a giving back, of what he gives: the willingness to suffer for.

So also in relationships, every situation must have this in mind: if there is to be any growth through the situation, we must have the resolution to provide the love that we desire to be reciprocated, regardless of the cause, circumstances and consequences of the situation. This is done with the knowledge of God’s insight into our own nature in his plan, completed in all wisdom, to be the provider of all that we are to be in our relationship with him.